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Glowing pregnancies happen, but the experiences of pregnancy are as varied as the women who are expecting. Maybe you didn’t plan for another child. Maybe you’ve had medical complications. Maybe you never knew you wanted a baby but now you’re over the moon.
Maybe, though, you’re someone who did plan—you were thrilled when you got the news and couldn’t wait to tell everyone. You’ve been waiting to turn that room into a nursery and you already know their name.
Lately, though, you’re not feeling so happy—for no particular reason, you’ve been sad. You’re anxious and can’t sleep. You’re crying but you don’t know why, and everything that was so thrilling before doesn’t seem as interesting.
Of course, as excited as you are about your new child, pregnancy can be a scary, tumultuous period. Whether this is your first baby or your third, there is so much about a new child that is hard, exhausting, and could put anyone in a mood or make them feel uncertain.
If you’re emotionally struggling during or after your pregnancy, this is totally normal and will most likely sort itself out with a bit of time. For some women, however, these might be symptoms of perinatal depression, which is both common and treatable. It is important, though, to get help if you’re experiencing symptoms.
How do I know when it’s serious?
Perinatal depression, or depression that happens anytime during pregnancy or in the year after, isn’t always obvious. As everyone knows, between the hormone changes, lack of sleep, life changes, and general exhaustion, having a new baby can be extremely stressful.
Because of this, it can be easy to assume your low moods are just a normal part of pregnancy or having a new baby in the house. It’s important, though, to check in with yourself about how you’re feeling and to understand when it’s just baby blues and when it’s depression.
Sadness vs. Depression
Sadness is, for better or worse, a part of everyone’s life. Luckily, however, it’s a temporary feeling. It might hang around for a few days, or even longer, and it probably feels bad, but sadness is usually about something specific. When we’re sad, we still feel like ourselves—we can be happy about happy things and we still have energy. We’re not at our best, but everything doesn’t feel hopeless.
Depression, however, might not even feel like sadness at all. On the other hand, it might feel like you’ll never experience another emotion again. While sadness is a feeling, depression is a condition that overwhelms a person between the low moods, the loss of motivation, and the sense that they’ve lost themselves.
If you’ve never had depression, it can be easy to dismiss the idea that that’s what your experiencing. One of the easiest ways to gauge the difference between the two is to monitor when your low moods started. If it’s only been a couple of days, there’s a good chance that you’ll be just fine. If it’s been more than two weeks, though, and you’re still not feeling any better, it might be more serious.
Perinatal Depression Symptoms
You might experience all of these symptoms, or only some of them. Everyone is different, but there are tools available if you’re uncertain whether you’re experiencing baby blues or something more serious:
These are both screening tools that gauge depression. If you feel uncertain, you can use these privately, in your own home, to check in with yourself and how you’re feeling. If you’ve never experienced depression before, it can be hard to identify your emotions as a real condition. These tools can offer you an outside perspective on your experience.
It is best, though, to consult with a licensed therapist when using these tools. Checking in with yourself is important and can be a great first step to recovery. Just as we can’t diagnosis ourselves with most medical conditions without a professional, though, we can’t really diagnosis ourselves with depression. These tools can give you an objective look into how you’re feeling, but for a proper diagnosis, professional help is necessary.
Who’s at risk?
Pregnancy related depression is probably more common that you think. According to The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, one in seven women experience depressive episodes during pregnancy or in the year after birth. While women might feel pressured to be positive and happy about their new baby, the reality is that many struggle during this period.
While it is a common experience, however, there are some women who are at higher risk for developing perinatal depression. Predictive factors include unstable relationships, general life stress, lack of support, unplanned pregnancies, domestic violence, and traumatic birth experiences.
If you are someone who has had previous experiences with depression, this is important to keep in mind when you’re expecting. A long list of studies demonstrate that women who’ve had depressive episodes in their past are more likely to again as new mothers (this article is a great resource:).
Of course, while knowing this might be scary, it can help you prevent the worst if you’re prepared. If you’re planning on having a child or have found out you’re pregnant, taking proactive steps can help.
If you’re already feeling down, though, whether or not you’ve ever been depressed, there are steps you can take to feel better.
What do I do now?
Depression can be scary and exhausting. All you might want to do is lay down wherever you’re standing and stay there for the rest of the day—it might be hard enough to get out of bed and take care of your baby, let alone think about taking steps to feel better. It might already feel like you don’t have any time in the day or the energy to do anything more than the bare minimum. There is treatment out there, however, and experienced professionals who can get you back to feeling like yourself.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t know what to do, but you know that you need help, speak to your OB/GYN. They can help you determine whether you’re experiencing perinatal depression and can offer resources. While they can’t fill the role of a therapist, they can be the first step in recovery. Remember: one in seven women experience pregnancy related depression. You’re probably not the first patient they’ve seen going through this, and they can be a great person to speak with.
For many women experiencing perinatal depression, medication may not be necessary. Speaking with your therapist or starting to attend sessions can make a world of difference. For this condition, talk therapy can be very effective—together, you and your therapist can discuss your thoughts and feelings and how to manage what you’re experiencing. This is might be one-on-one, or it may take place through family therapy with your partner or others. The amount of sessions will vary for everyone, but overtime, therapy can be incredibly helpful for any new mother who is struggling with depression.
There is so much pressure on women to be mothers and to be happy about it. With movies and social media, we can feel like failures compared to others. Joining a support group, though, can give you a network of women going through similar experiences. While your friends might not be able to understand, these support groups can offer empathy, advice, and community—you’re not alone. These groups can be a fantastic resource and help you regain the sense that you, too, are helping others.
While they may not be trained professionals, letting the people in your life know what you’re experiencing can be a great help. Even though you’re a new mom and you might feel like you need to have it all together for your baby, the truth is that you don’t have to take everything onto yourself. Whether it’s your partner, your parents, or your friends, reaching out and letting people know that you need help means you don’t have to do this alone. Whether they can offer a hug, an ear, or help around the house or with your baby, the people in our lives can be great safety nets so we don’t have to do it all by ourselves.
Every case of perinatal depression, like every pregnancy, is different. Treatment and recovery isn’t one-size-fits-all. If you’re feeling helpless or you’re struggling, just remember these feelings aren’t permanent. So many women have depressive episodes connected to their pregnancies, and there are experienced professionals who have helped them through their own struggles.
Depression can make life feel hopeless, but there is help. It won’t happen in one day, but you can get back to your excitement over having a baby or experience this for the first time. Being a new parent is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone.
This article is for educational purposes only. If you are experiencing a psychiatric emergency, please dial 9-1-1 or go to the nearest hospital.
If you are seeking for a licensed therapist and live in California, you can reach out to Cynthia Fong at Healing Within to start your path to recovery.
Cynthia is the Founder of Healing Within, A Licensed Clinical Social Worker Corporation. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker providing online counseling/therapy services for adults or teens (13 and older) who reside anywhere within the state of California.
Cynthia also offers consultation services for nonprofit organizations in the San Francisco Bay Area.
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