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It would wonderful if one or two sessions of therapy were all that was necessary to make the changes that we want to see. For most of us, however, it takes more than a couple of hours. Predicting exactly how many, of course, is tough—there’s no hard and fast timeline because every case is different. Therapy is an individual journey, and it takes work on both ends to create progress.
If you’re having difficulty implementing the tools and advice your therapist gives you, it can take longer to see improvement.
At the same time, if your relationship with your therapist doesn’t feel natural or their expectations aren’t clear, it can be hard to know how to move forward. Therapy takes steady, focused work, but even when you put this in, it doesn’t mean it’s always obvious it’s working.
Of course, it’s not impossible to tell. Although it’s often unclear how long therapy will take, there are ways to judge if it’s helping—if you’re feeling unsure, try asking yourself some of these questions.
Anyone who’s gone to therapy knows that, some days, it can be hard. Some sessions won’t be fun, but when therapy works, there should be times you look forward to attending.
If your therapist is a good fit, you should have a sense of satisfaction from talking with them—they should make you feel listened to and heard. Just like a friend, your therapist should be someone you want to talk to, not just someone you’re making yourself see.
If you find you’re constantly late, missing appointments, or you always drag your feet, it might be time to reconsider your therapist or treatment plan. Therapy is hard work, but it shouldn’t be something you always dread.
If meeting up in person is proving too hard, it might also help to switch to online sessions.
The sooner we learn to implement the tools that therapy gives us, the sooner it works. Although opening up is a huge part of the journey, therapy isn’t just about talk—it also teaches tools and skills that help us grow, gain insight, and learn to stay calm during difficult times. Not only does it help us let go of the past, therapy guides us in the present.
When hard situations come up, whether they’re big changes or small difficulties that usually trip you up, pay attention. How do you handle these moments? Do you react differently than before? Do you feel more confident or are you getting better results?
Therapy doesn’t mean that everything will suddenly run smoothly. If it’s working, however, you should notice a change in how you handle and react to situations.
At the beginning of therapy and during individual sessions, you and your therapist should discuss what your goals are. Some of these will be short-term. Others may look far into the future.
As sessions progress, these goals may change, but there should be a sense that you’re working towards and accomplishing something. If this feels like it’s slow going, that doesn’t mean that therapy isn’t working. Some goals, like overcoming trauma, can take time. If, however, you feel like your therapy treatment is aimless or you don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish, it’s important to speak with your therapist and reassess why you’re there.
Maybe you came to therapy with physical symptoms of anxiety. Maybe you were having trouble controlling your anger. You may have felt aimless, depressed, or any other number of difficult emotions.
One of the easiest ways to tell if therapy is helping is to take a look at the symptoms that made us start in the first place. Are they improving? If you were feeling constantly anxious, for example, you may have had stomach problems, trouble sleeping, or tingling extremities. If these have decreased, that’s an easy way to tell therapy is helping
Some people won’t have physical symptoms, but there are other changes you can use to judge your progress—whether it’s an easier time opening up to family or more confidence at parties with strangers, try keeping track of how you feel in different situations. Therapy won’t make you into a completely new person, but you should notice yourself feeling different.
As strange as this might sound, if you’re feeling worse after your sessions, that doesn’t mean that it’s not working. Often, we feel worse before we feel better.
In therapy, we often deal with the parts of our lives that are hard or scary to look at: trauma, loss, and anger are just some of the issues that come up. When we really focus on ourselves and on our pasts, triggers and emotions can emerge that we haven’t dealt with before. This means that at the beginning, or even much later on, sometimes we may feel more overwhelmed or like we have even less control.
This, however, should be temporary. We have to look at the hard things to be able to make progress, but once we do, we can more fully heal.
If you are interested in finding a therapist, consider contacting Healing Within, an online platform that provides counseling and emotional support. Through the use of private videoconferencing software or the telephone, I can provide therapy for a variety of challenges you may be experiencing. Reach out today and begin the journey to a more peaceful state of mind.
Cynthia is the Founder of Healing Within, A Licensed Clinical Social Worker Corporation. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker providing online counseling/therapy services for adults or teens (13 and older) who reside anywhere within the state of California.
Cynthia also offers consultation services for nonprofit organizations in the San Francisco Bay Area.
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